When a couple starts planning for kids, they usually say, "lets have a baby". You don't hear anyone say, "lets have a teenager". If you stopped to think about having teens, you might not ever start a family at all! But as tough as it is, there are glimpses of good and as my dad used to tell me about raising your kids in the teen years: "just get them through it".
One of the ways I'm getting my two through it (and my husband and me through it) is by purposefully planning activities with them that they will actually do. If you Google "activities for families" you will only see activities for families with young children. Teens don't want to be with their families, so it gets tricky.
Here are some things we do with our teenagers that we can all enjoy...
- Family Poker Night (we also play other games and it doesn't happen often because they are so busy, but when we all four agree to it, we actually have fun)
- Frisbee- my husband and son enjoy just tossing the frisbee in the front yard
- Baking/Cooking together
- Exercise - running, weight lifting, swimming laps= when I workout with my kids, they actually talk to me about their lives. I love it!
- Knock on their door and ask if you can come in. Just sit on the floor and read or lay down on their bed without talking. Just being together is good for you both.
- Volunteer together. We mostly volunteer at footraces and triathlons, passing out water to the runners. We sometimes even do this in costume at the really fun aid stations.
- Look through old family photos together. It helps them and you to remember the good times.
- Look through old arts & crafts they did as preschoolers.
- Take them to a concert (even if you don't like their music, but fortunately my daughter loves all the Woodstock era stuff so fun open mic nights are perfect).
- Run a race together. If you enjoy running, sign up for a half marathon or 5K and run it with your teen. Crossing the finish line together is a memory for you both to cherish.
- Road trip! It doesn't have to be far away, but time together in the car with a couple of fun stops for snacks or shopping along the way makes for great bonding.
- Put together a gift basket for a friend or neighbor who is ill. Go out shopping and create the basket together and then deliver it together.
- Ask your kids to drive you to get frozen yogurt together. They really enjoy driving and sitting together eating frozen yogurt is a great way to catch up on their lives.
- At the end of their day (even if it's late and you're tired), sit on the couch and ask how their day was. If they open up, listen without judgment to everything they say.
- Ask their opinion about politics or something you saw on the news. Don't offer YOUR opinion. Just listen without judging to theirs.
- Races in the pool and other pool games. We have a great pool in our back yard the kids rarely use anymore, but sometimes we can get them to go out their and we make up all kinds of fun games to compete with each other. It brings back old times and some laughter.
- Tell them about times from YOUR past. When I was a teenager, we...
- Movie night/Netflix night. We rarely find shows we can all watch, but there are some we all enjoy. When we get lucky to find this, we grab pop corn and enjoy.
- Wash the cars together. Moms, dads, and the kids- all the cars. Wash, vacuum, splash each other.
- S'mores by the fire. We have a fire pit in the back yard and it doesn't really matter what time of year it is, we can light a fire and make s'mores. Great conversations usually happen 'round a camp fire too.
- Picnic and concert. Where we live, there are free concerts all the time. Plus, the big concert arena is an outdoor pavilion so even if you don't have tickets, you can sit right out by it and hear great bands for free. Grab a picnic basket and blanket, head out and listen to music.
- My daughter loves fashion and doing hair and makeup. I love letting her do my hair.
- My son is not much of a talker, but if I sometimes just go to his room and sit there, he may not speak a lot, but I can tell he enjoys my stopping by for a visit. And sometimes, he'll tell me what is going on in his life.
- Go hiking and be sure to take lots of fun photos along the way.
*One thing I've learned is that my kids don't like to be forced into "family time". But they actually need that time as much as I do. Staying calm and not making it some big deal is essential. If I invite them to do something and they say "no", I say, "no worries, I understand you're busy so just let me know when you have time." They always do come around. I have discovered that the teen years are quite challenging, but seeing my kids grow into themselves is also an incredible pleasure.
